My Life Story Will Not Be A Tragedy

by Mike Toohey, M.A.

This post will be a little difficult for me because it is a personal one, but I will do my best to be as honest as I can. It would be worth putting myself out there if even only one person finds some encouragement from this message.

Growing up I always thought I would die tragically. I?m not sure why I came to that conclusion, but I just had a feeling that I would. I knew in the back of my mind that something bad was going to happen to me, though I wasn?t sure what or when. I would be in an accident or get a fatal illness and die young. I wouldn?t say I was depressed; in fact, I enjoyed my life. I had a wonderfully supportive family, did well at school, and had close friends. All the more reason why, when something bad inevitably happened, it would be a tragedy.

A few days ago, I was fixating on testicular cancer. I thought about how it would be a tragedy if I had testicular cancer and lost a testicle. Then I considered: well, if I lost one testicle, at least the tragedy would have occurred and I would be able to move on with my life. I could absolutely live a full, meaningful life with one testicle. Then it dawned on me. If I lost a testicle, and I managed without it, there would be no tragedy. The tragedy would become losing the other. It was a catch-22. There was always something more tragic that could happen. Until I actually died, I would think my life would end tragically.

It doesn?t feel good to think you will eventually have an unfortunate, early death. I didn?t like thinking that way, and my catch-22 epiphany created a lot of dissonance for me. So I asked myself: what would be the opposite way of looking at this situation? Honestly, Albert Ellis came right to my mind. When Al was dying in his bed, sick and catheterized, he was asked how he kept such a positive demeanor. His response? ?At least they didn?t cut my balls off!? In REBT terms, things could always be worse. Putting that into a personal context, instead of worrying that I will lose a testicle (or both), I can appreciate that I have both for the time being. Even if I did lose one, I can do my best to appreciate that I didn?t lose both. And if I did, I can appreciate that I survived.

But my brain is tricky. It asked me, but what about those who don?t survive? What if someone only had six months to live? What could they appreciate? Not dying in three? One? I felt my brain slowly churning?it hurt. And then it sputtered out: I guess we can appreciate that we haven?t died yet. That hit home for me. I am going to die. I had already assumed that something bad would happen to me and/or I would probably die young, but I hadn?t accepted that it could happen. I was focusing on how on it shouldn?t happen or else it would be a tragedy, instead of being appreciative that, although I will die (and it may be soon), I haven?t died yet.

I think that?s when I decided I didn?t want my life story to be a tragedy. I am thankful for what I have been able to contribute to the world so far, one person at a time. As long as I am alive, I will continue to extend myself and be a role model to others, and through them a part of me will live on. If I am lucky enough to have children before I die, than I am extremely fortunate. I sure hope I don?t die tomorrow, and I will do all that I can to make sure I don?t. But if I do, I won?t consider it a tragedy, and I don?t want anyone else to see it that way. No matter how or when I die, it is more important to me how I have lived. And no matter how I have lived in the past, it is more important how I choose to live at this moment. I have made the most of the time I have been given, and I will continue to do so for the rest of my life. The imminence of death will only help me celebrate the life I had, have, and will lead. I know I will no longer die in a tragedy because I will not let myself live in one.

Source: http://rebtinstitute.org/blog/2012/02/08/my-life-story-will-not-be-a-tragedy/

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